Some English humour ;)

Shinmaya aka Fred -------> Dirk_Gently
Sorry guys, have been loaded with work recently.
Here are some jokes in English to have fun ;)

WARNING: some of the jokes are rather dirty.


There are three pregnant women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. To break the silence the brunette says "apparently the position you do when you have sex determines the sex of the baby, I was on top so I'm having a boy". The redhead then adds "Well I was underneath so that means I'm having a girl". The blonde then says worryingly "Oh sh*t, I'm having puppies".


Man is telling his friend of a recent experience.
'I was walking along beside the railway line' he says, 'when I saw this girl tied to the track. Well, naturally I freed her and ended up having sex with her all night.'
'Did you get a blow job?' asks his friend.
'No' he says, 'I never did find the head.'


There was a black man and he walked into a shop.
A white man came and said colored people are not allowed.
The black man said.
"When black people have tans they stay black when they feel sick they're black when they're cold they are black"
"When white people have a tan they go pink when they feels sick they go green when they are cold they go blue!"


A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man, “Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”

“OK,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn’t hear, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read:

“Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”
“Well, that’s easy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read:

“Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read:

“Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post.”

@темы: IN ENGLISH ONLY!!!, чатимся/just chatting

2012-08-27 в 14:09 

король под горой
разбежавшись, прыгну со скалы (с)
The last one is great :lol:


Loony English!!!